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The Chum Gang Cook Book

                   The Chum Gang Cook Book

                             Written by

                                Greedy Pig Chum

"Never Eat Of An Angry Chef"

"Remember, amounts are to your Choice and are only Guide lines Set out by The Chum Gang Dieticians"

               THE CHUM Valentine's Meal

                   "The Squishey Dishey Meal"

Greedy Pig Chum; IM mAKING Chummy Tummy his valentines Dinner.... Its our Anniversary on the 14th of Feb. We got tied 2006.. I picked him out the gutter from that so called Best friend of his, Chum Bum....... He was in a pub one night, well, sitting outside the Pub with a hat on, well, the hat was on the ground... And do you know what he said to me as i walked out with my friend after a meal... Do you want a chat up line, i staired at him. I must admit i thought i was seeing double that night.... I said yeh ok then, try your best..... Place a Pound in the hat he said... I thought for a moment, and my best friend "Tarty Farty Chum" "Skunk" She's a working girl of the street, but she's an undercover for Big tit... Said go for it.... So i did, i placed a pound in his hat... And do you know what he said... "I caiught you".... Its either that you would pay for anything... Im sorry Girls, but i just fell in love with him on the spot and the next day we bumped into each other on tit street, and we started chatting so i askled him for dinner... But i insisted he tidy himself up first... And thats how we met and this is 11 yrs later.... anyway here is what im cooking him for Valentine's....

             The Valentine's Squishey Dishey

  "Starters and Afters, if you know what i mean"

First of all i got a bowl and melted some jelly in it......

I took out the biscuit holder of the Biscuits from my fravourite biscuit tin, "Choc mint"... I waited until the Jelly had cooled half hour in the fridge... Then poured it in the plastic biscuits casing... I then sprinkled some smarties in each funnel of Biscuits... I Then placed the jelly in the fridge for the next day... Health and safety... Make sure the jelly is cool before pouring out onto the plastic Biscuit funnels........ Next I got some Beef meat cubes out of the Fridge... I washed the Beef then cut any fat i found on the cubes... I then placed them in a pot... I Boiled the beef for 40mins to an hour.. Then drained the water from the pot: I had a pastry Block, which i rolled out with my rolling pin, dusting a light bit of plain flour on the roll.. When i had the size of the Cassarole heart dish which i am cooking in for Chummy Tummy.....  I cut out the pastry with an Inch to spare all round to tuck and fold when beef is placed in the dash... Turn on the oven t0 200 oc... Warm oven up for 20mins... Place Beef in you cassarale... Cut an onion, and place cuttings in amongst the Beef... Add a teaspoon of vinager and add some Golden Syrup to the mix... Then add after desolving some gravey in a bowl some beef gravey, bisto does the trick... But slightly water so the beef steams in the oven while it cooks...  Pour in the gravey to the Dish for the oven... You can add peas and carrots its your choice... Ive decided not to...... While you maranade your dish before placing in the oven add a teaspoon of soy sauce "Blue Dragon", peel some potatoes and boil, then mash...  Cover your cassarole with your pastry, thumbing in the sides gentle before trimming off the outside... Place a fork in the middle of the pastry and spike some holes in a small i l u sign...  Now with the left over pastry or another block... Roll out six oblong parts of pastry... Open a couple of tins of tuna, then place three tablespoons of tuna in the middle of each pastry shape and a little Syrup, "remember to empty the tuna juice from the tuna chunks" the shape is really your choice, circle heart shape pastry,,,, its your choice... Then place the tuna pastry in the oven as well as your dish... Cook the pastry parts for 20mins or until golden Brown... Your Main Dish will need 30 to 40 mins, until Golden Brown... Check as you Go.... Now im ready to serve Tummy Chummy.... I have one more thing to do, take out the jelly and with squishy Cream place a squirt on top of each biscuit shape... This is for afters if you know what i mean Girls... A litle squishy for my little dishey...    "Maybe i should take my rolling pin" what do you say girls.... Lol... A Squishey Dishey Valentine's.....

Meal 4:    The Munch Bunch

  Ingredients: Meal For two....

 2 x tins Corned Beef  "Do not add salt with this, corned beef has Plenty". "You can also cut of the fat from the bottom of the tins if you wish"....

 1 Pkt of Spaghetti

 1 tin of Peas

 1 Onion

 Three table spoons of mash placed in a Cup

 1 Chilli Cheese Dip Sauce full portion

 Two tea-spoons of  Tubed Garlic 

 Prepare the onion and strain the Pea juice out of the tin of Peas....

Place the Cut Onion and dry Peas in a bowl.......

Cut both tins of Corned Beef into slices.....

Boil the water for your Spaghetti then place your spaghetti strands into simmering water, not boiling water... Always Check to taste what texture you want your spaghetti to be... In the mean while, Heat your wok with 1 teaspoon of sunshine oil "oil of your Choice" then Add the slices of Corned Beef to the Pan, slowly heat and stir the corned beef......... When soft and stirred, add the onions and the peas... Boil the kettle, then add hot water to the cup with some mash flakes.. Mash the mash with a fork then add to the wok... Continue to stir and if too dry, add some red wine if you have some left from the night before.... If not add any type of diluted orange or any other type of juice... 2 table spoons if Required.. Ok maybe 3... Now before straining your Spaghetti then adding to the plate, first!... You have a choice, you can either heat the Chilli Cheese Sauce in a pan to pour on top of your Corned Beef when dished or simply pour it into the wok to stir with the Corned Beef, it is your Choice... Then finally add three teaspoons of tubed Garlic Sauce for 3mins while you stir...

Now your Ready to Dish out the Munch Bunch... First the Spaghetti and then The Corned Beef Munch Bunch onto the plate... This is a heavy Meal and it is a good idea to drink a glass of water with this meal... The Chilli Cheese sauce you can buy as a dip for crisps...  You can have a side plate of Salad or even fruit with this dish....        

"History"  Corned Beef used to be the poor mans steak... Now because of cutbacks, look at the Bloody Price Now! usually £2.50.. You can still pick up a tin for about a £1.00, you just have to look...

  Breakey On the Run:   The Breakey Run....

Grab a slice of Bread: Quickly place it in An electrical toaster.. I wouldn't Switch on the Oven Grill if your in A rush.. "Chummy Health and Safety" This Breakey on the Run is designed for the night after, if you know what I mean or sleeping in or even when Europe calls a Tube strike, etc, etc, etc,... Which to be Honest your better Phoning the boss and calling in a sickey, that's if the boss is in themselves....

                    Anyway. place the Slice of Bread in the Toaster...

Wait until toast pops up... Switch off the Toaster at the Mains, do not butter, but Run, run and run to work... "This is very good for people that have had a few the night before".... "SI-FI Chum recommendations... Do not take bread before you drink, Bread has yeast in it.. Although you can get Drunk Quicker with the Bread because of the Yeast despite, little amounts in a slice.. This Yeast can cause Small amounts of Blood Clotting, Which can cause major Health Problems to not only the Nervous System but Brain Clotting... You are always better with Crisps... But be careful with Nuts because sometimes when your not allergic to Such foods, nuts can Effect you During the Ageing Process, so be careful... SI-FI Chum Recommendations...."

Breakey 1:   Ingredients:

                     Box of Weetabix:

Many Addons can be placed with this Nourishing Breakfast....

    "Honey, Any type of Marmalades, As well as fruits... This Quick guide of Taste is to your Chummy Desire.... It Gives Your Breakfast a little Imagination... This one is based on your nightly Cuppa...

Place three to five Weetabix in a Bowl, Greedy Pig style. Add Sprinkle of little teaspoon of Hot chocolate or Coco to a little milk in a cup, then pour with more milk on top of Your Weetabix after mixing the blend in a cup... Warm or cold milk, your Choice...

If your Crazy Enough "Like Silly Sausage" You can add an oxo cube etc etc.. If You Chummy Desire....  

 Snack 1:                   The Chum Snack

Ingredients: Brown Bread        "Slices, your Choice: Toasted, Yet again your Choice"

                    Chopped Tin of Tomatoes;  "Tinned Tomatoes, Not Packet or loose Tomatoes"

                    Bartons Original Paccalilli Chutney:

                    Tin Of Kingsfood Hot Dogs   "8 Tinner"

      Or Hot Dogs from the Butcher   "Yet again Your Choice".      

                    Lettuce or Onions can be added if Your Taste Requires:

   Snack:   Add The HotDogs to The wok but also with Half a tin of the Chopped tomatoes... Boil For 5mins on a slow heat....

                 Toast or Butter your Bread In the Mean While, Remembering The Health and Safety of The Kitchen..... After the Buttering of The Toast or Bread "Now this is Important, because you want taste under and above the Hot Dogs... Add The Piccalilli Chutney to the Bread or Toast"

                  Now Its time to Add the Hotdogs with the Tomato juice..

                  At least 3 hot dogs on each slice of Bread with The  Juice.... But Slowly, slowly pour... For Better taste, Relaxing the Heat of tender Care....

                  Add a pinch of Pepper as pepper highlights the OXEGENS OF THE tomatoes.... Salt will carbon the Tomato to much, so if you take SI-FI Chums recommendations, its better with a little Pepper on top of your tomato's... You can also Add a couple of slices of Onions or leafs of lettuce if you Require.....  

                         The Chummy Presidential Dinner

Meal 3:            The Liver Of Chicken:

Ingredients:    Two Tubs of Chicken liver:   "Main Bowl"

                                   The Sauce

                       1 Portion of Prawns:

                       1 Portion of Garlic and Herb Sauce

                       1 Portion of Sour Cream and Chives

                       1 Tin of Chopped Tomatoes

     Fry the Chicken Liver in your wok or pan with a shallow oil... Don't be scared to fry the Chicken liver for a good ten minutes or fifteen, adding 3 tablespoons of the tinned chopped tomatoes on the way... After a good frying, drain the oil using a sieve.. Then Place in a oven pan on a slow heat, until you have mixed your sauce ....  

            Grab a big bowl, empty the portions of Prawns, garlic sauce, sour cream and chives as well as the rest of the canned tomatoes in a bowl.... Finally, add pepper to taste before folding with a spoon the Ingredients in the Bowl for the sauce....

                 Take out the liver of Chicken from the oven and serve on your plate, you can fill two plates with this dish unless you are me, Greedy Pig Chum.... Serve the sauce to requirements on to the plate at the side of the Chicken Liver.... And Enjoy...

                              The Chummy Presidential Dinner:

                                                And don't forget your Milk!                  

Meal 2:               The Steak Boil....

Ingredients;  2x Red Onions

                     1X Sirloin Steak

                     2x Tomatoes

                     3x Large potatoes

       Frozen Broccoli & Cauliflower 3x Pieces Each

                     3x Carrots x3 Swede

 1 packet of Butchers Selection Peppercorn Sauce  "ASDA"

 I tin of Giant Marrowfat Peas

 Dash of Dark Soy Sauce

And Finally, a Portion Of Prawns......

         First Boil Potatoes, Carrots and Swede after Peeling:

         Using a Wok, Place steak in  half a pan of water... Place the 3 bits and 3 bits/ of Cauliflower and Broccoli with the steak.. Warm the Oven in a low heat and after 20mins of slow boil of steak, take out the Broccoli and Cauliflower and place in the Oven until meal is Ready... Continue to slow heat the Steak... Cut the 2 tomatoes and place in the pan with the Steak.... In another frying pan slow fry your Onions until Golden Brown... Place Onions, when Ready in The slow heat Oven... after your potatoes, carrot and Swede are boiled place the three vegies in a bowl and mash, when nice and Creamy "It is Your Choice if you wish to add single or Double Cream" Once Mashed to taste place in oven..... Another 20mins have past with the steak, Drain the Access from the wok... Place the Tomatoes and steak on a plate until you clean the wok... Then place wok back on the Heat... Add 3 teaspoons of Oil and place the tomatoes and steak back in the pan, slowly fry for 3mins... Add your Peppercorn Sauce and slow cook for another 3 to 4 mins.....  Boil your Marrow peas... Place your portion of prawns on your plate ready to be joined with boiled Steak.... Start to Dish out on your Plate from your Oven Choice, that's serve the food from the oven.... Place the steak and the tomatoes with the Peppercorn Sauce on your plate.... The last part of your meal is to place a little dash of Dark Soy Sauce on top of your Sauce, this is Important to streak so you have a beautiful pattern with the Sauce... And don't forget to add your peas.... The Steak Boil Meal... By Greedy Pig Chum.... Big tit loves Steak Boil, he hardly gets a chance to have such a meal... He is getting ready for Crusty Bone Day, in about 20 years time... All world leaders welcome......

Meal one-

                  The Mince of Creation!

Ingredients;

Onions, assorted peppers, Mushrooms, tomatoes..........

Mince........

Double Cream:

Double Cream with Brandy:

Soy Sauce:

Easy Garlic:

Ginger Garlic-taj....

Cloudy Lemonade......

......................................The Sauce.................................

Wash Tomatoes and place in a Bowl........

Squash and squish the tomatoes with a potatoe masher.... Add a dash of soy sauce and a dash of cloudy lemonade...... Squish, squash and squish until you find the taste of your tongue... Place the sauce in the fridge.... You can add a pinch of Garlic if you require..... With the spice of Pepper....

"Please note- amounts are to your desire"

..........................The Mince..........................

Boil the mince until soft.....

Drain..... Then add Soy Sauce and dry in pot..... Shiggle Dry... Not over heat....

Fold in amounts of Double Cream... taste, then add Ginger Double Cream and fold in for 5mins...... 

Add Pepper and salt to taste and nip,nip taste.......

The Fruits of the Mince....... 

All ingredients are left in the Freezer over night....

Onion, peppers,mushrooms........

Next day cut from frozen or as they defrost... Place each fruit in individual bowls until prepared. Once all fruits of mince are cut, fold in with Mince, slowly and angelically.... Add more Pepper, if you desire the nip... 

Add More Brandy Cream and Garlic to taste....

Leave all in a bowl for an hour to room temp.... Take sauce out of fridge and leave at room temp...

           You now have two choices.....

1/ You can place Mince in an oven dish and bake the cream mince for 30mins or

2/ Eat cold.... 

                bUT bEFORE YOU dO!

PLACE A LITTLE SAUCE ON TOP OF MINCE AND Grate Some Cheddar Cheese with some Parmesan Cheese and Present with a Glass of Pepsi ............. 

Tinder Box Sound add Radio Semper to Your Party...

Looney Tunes, Dog, God, Devil, lived

Chummy & Giggles

The Ballad

Released tonight!

Exclusive to CDBaby Only.............................

https://www.cdbaby.com/cd/chummy

Featured Artist after a two month Review of Artists so Far.... Our Next Artist is David Gilmour, if you like smooth, this is smooth..

 Jigawotts still lead the Comp with 708pts..

To join the tit Clan, email drew at drew71@Live.co.uk.... Do not use the contact bars or Do It! Button... Tech hitch.... IF you have been trying to contact us and the Chum Gang over the past year, please try again on the emails provided... drew71@Live.co.uk   or

titproductions@            t-i-t-productions.rocks    

We apologise for this error and tech trouble...We are getting signs that the Tech Trouble is Getting Healthier... Please Keep trying to get through on the Email Provided for Puzzle Comps, And Music Comps etc, etc, etc....

Signed.. The Big TIT

drew71@live.co.uk listen to Radio Semper right Here!

Swing Your Thing

Chummy & Giggles

        The Ballad

Hit Single Released tonight Exclusive to CDBaby...

https://www.cdbaby.com/cd/chummy

Featured Artist This month Is

     David Gilmour/ Smooth Rock all the Way,The Next Def Leppard.....

         Jigawotts

still top the table...

Its Here....World Exclusive!

  t-i-t-Theatre Presents

                  Sick, Sick, Sick    

"Jack the Ripper" Act2

Be Warned, Adults Only,

  Sick, Sick and Sick.....

Swing Your Sting,, dance with the Thing!

     You can Now connect Radio Semper to your dance parties...

"Dog God Devil Lived" album release is nearly finally finished... Semper goes into recording Soon... Look out for Our New Release "Semper and the Chum Gangs Greatest Hits" http://cdbaby.com/cd/semperthechumgangsgreate  

 You can now catch Radio Semper Right Here on our website! And Last but not least, Look out for our featured Artist Page, The Nom 1 spot is still,           "Jigawotts"  Fantastic sounds and Brilliant interview with an up and coming Star of the future... says Churnie Burnie tit theatre's music and arts director.....

Last months artists           "Ghost Dancers" from the south American Maya tribe.. Have taken 2nd spot with 461pts with Res now in 3rd spot....

Its Sick, Sick, Sick "Jack The Ripper" Act 2 , released today

3-10-2016....... Adults Only... Be warned, Adults only...